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Monologue Jokes – May 28, 2013
1. According to a new study, more babies born via cesarean section grow up to be heavy kids and teens than those delivered vaginally. Although, this seems like it might be a “chicken or the egg” type...
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Monologue Jokes – July 22, 2013
1. A panel of legal experts started work on Sunday to revise Egypt’s Islamist-tinged Constitution. They are said to be borrowing heavily from U.S. founding documents, for instance, part of the new...
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Monologue Jokes – August 22, 2013
1. A new study found that a child is killed by a falling TV every three weeks. Luckily for Casey Anthony, Best Buy has a very lenient return policy. 2. It was announced on Tuesday that N’SYNC will...
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February 28, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. A man in South Carolina was arrested after trying to pay for his lunch with a counterfeit trillion dollar bill. And, if you’re wondering, the image on a real trillion dollar bill is Benjamin...
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April 16, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Just in time for prom season, KFC is offering a chicken corsage which consists of a drumstick sitting on top of fresh baby’s breath. It comes in either original recipe or extra crispy, a decision...
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January 26, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. New York City is bracing for a potentially historic blizzard that is expected to dump up to three feet of snow today and tomorrow. The city hasn’t experienced such a dramatic whiteout since it...
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June 22, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Rachel Dolezal, the former president of Spokane’s chapter of the NAACP, is reportedly in talks to star in her own reality TV show. It will air on the BET? Network. 2. Rick Perry, the former Texas...
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October 9, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Thursday, Donald Trump suggested that he was partly responsible for convincing House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy to drop his bid to become the new speaker. Now, if he could only convince...
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January 26, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, Ben Cohen, one half of Ben & Jerry’s, endorsed Bernie Sanders for president by unveiling a new ice cream flavor called “Bernie’s Yearning.” It is expected to sell better than “Trumps...
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March 18, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. After winning their opening games of the NCAA Tournament, Duke and Yale will play each other on Saturday in Rhode Island. The match-up will be so white and privileged that it is already the front...
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August 18, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to reports, ‘Dancing with the Stars’ wants former President Bill Clinton to compete on the show. Said Bill, “That’s nice, but did ‘The Bachelor’ call?” 2. Egypt’s state-run television has...
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November 10, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Tuesday, California, Massachusetts and Nevada voted to legalize recreational marijuana use. In hopes that it will help them forget about the other voting results on Tuesday. 2. Yesterday,...
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December 9, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Wednesday, actor Leonardo DiCaprio met with President-elect Trump to talk about climate issues. That story again, the Great Gatsby met with the Overweight Gatsby 2. According to reports,...
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February 8, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. Former President Barack Obama was spotted kite-surfing in the Caribbean. Which is like stalking your ex on Facebook only to find out he’s completely moved on and is doing much better without you. 2....
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April 27, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. Simon, a 3-foot long Welsh rabbit, was found dead in the cargo hold of a United plane after a flight from London landed in Chicago on Tuesday. United apologized for the death of Simon, or, as he was...
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May 4, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. Authorities say a drunk driving suspect, who was chased by police from Maryland to Pennsylvania, identified herself as Hillary Clinton. But authorities knew it wasn’t the real Hillary because she...
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May 5, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. Today, Vice President Mike Pence will host a Cinco de Mayo celebration at the White House. The only way picking Pence for that job makes sense is if they thought ‘Mayo’ was short for mayonnaise. 2....
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May 23, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, a four-by-four foot sink hole formed in front of President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida. That story again, Trump still has a direct line of communication with Roger Ailes. 2. It...
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December 15, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a recent report, President Trump watches up to eight hours of TV a day. But, in Trump’s defense, sometimes Blue’s clues are tricky and he has to re-watch an entire episode to figure it...
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January 5, 2018 – Monologue Jokes
1. A group of Egyptian soccer players have formed a team for one-legged players. That story again, a group of Egyptians invented foosball: 2. According to a soon-to-be released book, President Trump...
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